Just took my morning after pill in the library
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
