my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
