We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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