So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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