i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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