At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
