I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
