you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
