so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
