If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize