JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
