She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
