Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize