I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
