im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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