Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
