Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
