you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
