Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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