I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize