So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
