feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
