I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
