What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
