just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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