why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Randomize
