No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I smell stomach acid.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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