I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
