Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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