And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
