we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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