OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm getting married
To pizza
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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