Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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