"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
