she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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