just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
There are leaves in my underwear?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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