I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
