just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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