I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
