My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
