If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
