Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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