you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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