I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
