I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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