dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
