So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
