I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
