Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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