just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
