well I can't set my house on fire every night
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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