He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize