I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize