If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
