i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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