Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
