She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
