barbara walters just said penis...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
