Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
