He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
