there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
