I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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