9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
