When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
