I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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