I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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