So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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