i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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