Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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