The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
