Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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