My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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