ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
