I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
