she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
