I just threw up on my dentist
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
