I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize