Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
