I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
