You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
