Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
