i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
