It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
