the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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