I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
