I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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