Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
