Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
