I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
