After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
