When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
