There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
