ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
