well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
