At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
