Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize