i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
